Was du nicht weisst sollen
by Ithy-chan
Summary: "Sadly, I've become accustomed to this. He's been like this ever since our mother died a couple years ago. It's nothing new. It's the same every time. I do something my father doesn't like, he slaps me around, and then I get put in here. He seems to hate everything I do, even when I don't do anything…" T for language and some abuse violence. AU, OOC
1. Chapter 1

**feel like I went on a limb to right this ha  
not something I'd usually write, but I wanted to give it a try.**

**Prussia's Point of** **View.**  
_Italics are thoughts._

**I really hope it turns out alright.  
****Genießen Sie. ~**

I groaned, as I awoke, slowly opening my eyes to more darkness. My whole body ached with every tiny movement.

'_Great, in the closet… again.'_

Sadly, I've become accustomed to this.  
Our dad, he's been like this ever since our mother died a couple years ago. It's nothing new. It's the same every time. I do something my father doesn't like, he slaps me around, and then I get put in here. He seems to hate everything I do, even when I don't do anything…

How long I'm in here, it really all depends on how pissed my old man is, and I've learned how to assess and take care of any damage done with what I have when needed.

But, I don't really care what happens to me, as long as our old man doesn't hurt my brother or end up going too far and killing me. Not like I would be able to do anything if that happened but, I need to be able to protect Luddy.

He doesn't know about what our dad does to me, und I want to keep it that way. I'm worried what'll happen to him if he did find out.

'_What would our dad do?'_

I'd thought about moving out, but what if, when I leave here, he starts doing to Ludwig what he does to me? I can't let that happen. I'm the older brother, and I'll protect mein kleine bruder.

I'll protect him with my life…

I slowly started to move, checking over myself for any wounds. _'Just a couple of bruises and scrapes. Nothing too serious.'_

Then the door started to open.

"Get the hell out of here. I don't want you near me."

'_Such kind words old man…' I thought bitterly._

I didn't respond verbally, for the fear of making him even angrier than he already was. So I just obeyed, grabbed my jacket, and left.

I didn't go far. I only went to the curb and sat down. I decided I would wait for Ludwig to get home.

I rested my head against my hands, and I winced from a sudden pain on the side of my face.

'_Scheisse… a bruise on my face? How did I miss that? How the hell am I gunna hide that from Luddy? Verdammt…"_

"_Hey Gil!"  
'Crap…' I thought. _My hand went to cover my face automatically.

"H-Hey Luddy." I laughed weakly.

He gave me a weird look. "Why are you covering your face with your hand?" he asked confused.  
"O-Oh n-no reason!" I laughed weakly again.

And after a short struggle, he moved my hand, eyes growing slightly wider. "Gil? How did that happen?"

I panicked. "Uh… I uh… tripped? Y-Yeah, und I uhm… fell… face first into a table."

He didn't look like he bought it, but he thankfully didn't press it any longer.

"Oh… well you should put some ice on it or something bruder."

I nodded slowly, "Okay, I will."

"Oi, Ludwig! Go to the store and buy some more wurst, we're out!" our dad yelled.

The market is practically next door.

"Okay!" he yelled back. "I'll be back bruder."

"See ya." I decided I would head back into the house.  
As I walked in, my dad saw me and said, "Oi boy, who said you could come back in? You're not welcome here."

"Oh, so I'm not allowed into our house now? I do live here."

"Oh, got some confidence did ya? We don't want you here. Not me, not your bruder, und Your mother didn't want you here when she was alive."

I just stared down at the floor. Anywhere but at him.

"Nothing to say now?" he continued, "Gil, you better look at me when I'm talking to you."

I slowly looked up.

'_Wow… he hasn't hit me yet…and sometimes I think he just says things to hurt me… true or not.'_

"You know, you shouldn't be hanging around your bruder so much, if at all. You're a bad influence on him. You might rub some of your failure off onto to him. That's not good for him; he doesn't need that around him. He's just simply better than you, you know."

"I know." I replied quietly.

"Do you? I don't think you do." He spat. "You need to learn your damn place."

I'd had enough. I decided to try and walk away… Bad choice.

"Get your ass back here." He grabbed me by the hair and I went flying across the small living room. I went head first, hitting a night stand hard, and a lamp fell over and broke.

"Look at this fuckin' mess you made. You better clean it up." He continued, "I'm heading to the bar. I can't stand to even look at you anymore." He left slamming the door behind him.

I winced at the loud noise.

I slowly started to push myself up into a sitting position. _'Mein gott… my head…'_

I heard the door creak open, thinking my dad was coming back for some reason, but this was the back… door?

I heard a bag drop, and then I heard a voice that definitely wasn't my fathers.

"Gil…" he whispered.

I turned slightly, my eyes widening. '_Schiesse…'_

He saw everything… Luddy knows…

**TBC  
I'm tired… So mistakes I missed may be running rampant.  
**

**How was it? Horrible? Train wreck? Was it okay?  
Please let me know ha~ I'm curious.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I am currently enjoying my vacation in San Francisco :D  
I've fallen in love with this city. I fell hard.**

**I don't think I'll be able to leave Q.Q**

**I also feel like this is lacking something but I'm not sure either. If you figure it out let me know ;D**

**So Enjoy~**

I could only stare wide eyed at him…

'_This can't be happening, mein gott this can't be happening…!' I thought frantically._

"G-Gil…" he repeated, his voice cracking. _'No, please don't cry Luddy.'_

"Ludwig… h-how much did you see?" I asked grimly.  
"Enough…" he replied.

"You… weren't supposed to see anything…"

I slowly looked up at him. He looked pissed. Angry enough to kill someone.  
"Why the hell didn't you say anything!" he yelled, "Why didn't you tell me?" His voice quieted down, he sounded hurt. "You're mein bruder… I want to help you…"

"I… You couldn't know Luddy. You couldn't find out."

"And why not?" he was yelling again, "What if he ended up seriously hurting you, or worse…?"

"Because I'm afraid that if you found out and knew what was happening to me, the same thing would start happening to you Ludwig. I couldn't and I can't let that happen… Not to you…"  
I looked at the ground, unable to look back up at him. His stare was burning holes through me.

"Gilbert." He said sternly. He was kneeling beside me now. "How long has this been going on?"

I thought about it for a moment, "A couple years? Ever since our mutti died."

"H-How could I not have noticed…?" I heard him whisper.

"I don't know. I did a pretty awesome job hiding it ya know?" I laughed slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

"This is serious Gil."

I sighed, "I know Luddy, just don't say anything. Don't let dad know that you know." I continued, "Please… If he lays a hand on you… I swear…"

He pulled me into a hug. "I don't know how I feel about this Gil. I can't just sit around doing nothing, and continuing to let this happen to you, Bruder."

"Trust me Luddy. I'll tell you if I need help. Any help at all. I promise, just don't. Please… It has to be a secret… Our secret."

He hesitated, "Fine Gilbert, but don't ever let it go too far. Don't ever try to handle everything, or too much on your own. You better get me if you need help…" He helped me up.

"Don't worry yourself too much, alright bruder? I'm just fine."

He ignored me, "How's your head?"

"Oh it's fine. I've had worse." I chuckled awkwardly; he just looked at me with concern.

I rolled up my sleeves. I forgot how abused they had been. I always wore long sleeves to hide the bruises on my arms. There were bruises on almost every inch of my forearm.

I heard Luddy gasp.

"Heh… Don't worry bruder! They've been worse before." I said sadly, trying to fake a smile.

"Gil-" he started, but was cut off by the front door slamming open, and our father yelling, "Gilbert get out here!"

I froze. I could feel Ludwig staring at me. Probably thinking about what he should do.

"Maybe you should leave." He suggested.

"No. Because if I leave, you'll be here alone."

"Then we'll both leave."

I turned towards him and sighed, "If it gets too serious… Then we'll leave. Okay Luddy?" he nodded slowly.

'_I've faced him for years before, it'll be ok this time right? But then again Luddy's never been here during it…' I thought_, turning to head into the living room to face the _demon douche_ that I call 'Father'.

**TBC**

**Mistakes? Yea prolly. Sorry 'bout that… I try to get rid of them e.e"**

**Can anyone say OOC? :D  
I don't know if I can write anything but…**

**Hope this was okay~ :3  
even if it's not, it's too late now.~**


	3. Chapter 3

**I can't sleep so another chapter :DD**

**Alright~ Enjoy.**

As I entered the living room, I saw my father tripping over his own two feet, as drunk as one can get.

"C'mere Gilly, you good for nothing… prick."

He stumbled over to me and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders.  
"What do you want?" I spat.

"Now is that any way to talk to your father boy? Just talk to me."

"I have nothing to say to you. Now if that's all, I need to go to the kitchen to help Luddy cook."

"Luddy's in there? I thought I told you to stay away from him?"  
"You can't expect me to stay away from mein bruder."

"I expect you… to learn your place. I'm embarrassed to have you as a son. Ludwig is all the pride and joy this family has left, and I won't have you tainting him."

My blood started to boil, "Why am I a failure? What did I ever do? Why do you hate me?"

'_What did I ever do to him to be treated like this?' I thought._

He looked at me in utter disgust. "You killed your mother damn it! That's what you did!"

I froze. "W-What? N-No… I-I didn't…"

"Yes you did you worthless piece of shit. If you would have been watching your brother like you were supposed to, damn it! He wouldn't have been in the street, and then maybe your mother wouldn't have been the one to rush out and save him from getting hit. It should have been you running out there! You'd be dead instead of her; you'd be doing us all a damn favor…"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing… It hurt… Gott it hurt…

"I-I didn't mean too… I d-didn't… no…" I felt the tears falling freely now.

'_Am I a m-murderer? N-No… I didn't mean it… Mutti, Ich hab dich lieb… but I was so careless! I-I… I don't know…'_

I fell to my knees, unable to stand any longer. I felt something coming down, connecting to me skin. Hitting me but I didn't care to even try and block it, nor did I have enough energy.

'_I'm a murder aren't I? So don't I deserve this?'_

'_**You killed your mother damn it!'**_ Those words kept replaying themselves in my mind.

Over and over and over again. Relentlessly.

Everything was moving in slow motion. Hits connecting to my skin, my face. Yelling, but I couldn't make out what was being said, but I didn't care.

'_Nothing could break me anymore. I couldn't be more broken than I am now.'_

Then everything just stopped, and I was lifted up and carried out through the door.

How long we walked or where we went to, I don't know but someone was trying to catch my attention.

"ert…ilbert….Gilbert!"

'_Oh okay, It's just Luddy.'_

"W-What?" I whispered.

"Gil! Are you okay? Where do you hurt? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"Sure, I hurt all over, especially my head, and no…" I replied as best I could.  
He looked at me genuinely concerned.

"Gilbert… I heard what dad said, all of it… Don't listen to him. Please. You aren't a failure, and I'm definitely not better than you. If you had died, your death would be affecting us as much as our mothers… But most importantly Gil… you are not responsible for our mother's death."

I tensed up.

"I'm so sorry I didn't step in earlier… I should have, then he nev-"

"Stop." I say sternly. "What Gil?"

"Just stop." I repeat. "I'm the reason for her death. I'm careless, I was careless… and you could have died too! What kind of brother am I? I'm just a monster…" my sobs are uncontrollable now.

Ludwig wrapped his arms around me. "Gil… You are not a monster. It was all an accident. You didn't kill anyone. That driver did."

I couldn't speak, despite how much I wanted to argue that he was wrong. I could only cry into my brother's chest as he soothingly rubbed my back.

Soon I didn't even have enough energy to cry anymore so I fell asleep laying against mein bruder.

**TBC**

**:D still cant sleep~**

**I feel like this story is coming along nicely ^^  
I hope that keeps happening.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I love writing Prussia and Germany stories because I get to use German hahaha~ ;D**

**I really love German.  
And I'm sad because I had to leave California. I really love it there.**

**Geniessen Sie~ ;D**

"Gil…Gilbert…" my brother called kindly, but loudly enough to wake me up. "We need to head inside now."

I looked around slowly. Confused, I asked, "Wha…? Where are we?"

"We're outside our house. You fell asleep, and I didn't want to bother you at first." He continued, "And don't worry, vati is still knocked out on the floor." He explained.

"H-How?"

"I hit him."

I stared at him in horror, "Y-You hit him!"

"Ja."

"W-Why? You dummkopf!" I yelled frustrated.

"He was hitting you?"

"Bruder…" I groaned, "No matter how bad it gets, please let me handle it. Until I ask for help… bitte… I don't want you to end up getting hurt." He just looked at me.

"Fine." He sighed.

"If dad figures out that he was knocked out, let me take the fall bruder."

"What? Hell n-"he was interrupted by the door opening.

"Vater." Ludwig greeted him. He sounded angry.

'_Pretend like nothing happened… bitte…'_

The moment I saw him all the memories of last night came flooding back.  
_'You killed your mother Dammit!'_

'_You worthless piece of shit!'_

'_You'd be dead instead, doing us all a favor.'_

The hitting, then being carried somewhere. The crying.

I wanted to cry again.

"Hey Ludwig." He said even slightly smiling, but then he turned to look at me with utter disgust. "Gil."

'_Maybe he doesn't know…' _I thought hopefully.

I turned away from him, as he walked down the drive way.  
"Bruder?" Ludwig asked worriedly, "Are… you alright?"

"I'm f-fine." I replied, my voice cracking.  
_'Dammit.'_

"Don't lie to me bruder."

"I'm not!" I sighed, frustrated, "Es tut mir leid* bruder. I'm just… stressed. I-I have to be o-okay, I have to be. Für dich*."

"You don't have to be anything for me, bruder." He said putting a hand on my shoulder. "Bitte, kümmern Sie sich selbst*…"

"I will Ludwig. I will." I said sadly.

We decided to head inside, and we went to the kitchen to see if there was any food to eat.

The front door slammed open. I flinched, hearing the loud footsteps coming into the kitchen.  
_'Gott Verdammt! I really wish he would leave us alone!' _I thought angrily.

"Ludwig…" vati growled lowly, "What you did to your old man wasn't very nice at all. I thought I raised you better. You being the good one, my favorite, I forgive you. You've been around dein bruder too much." He said, his voice becoming friendlier.

"Vater, you're wrong about bruder," Luddy argued.

"Oh, I don't think I am. He's a murderer. If anything I'm way too nice to him. He deserves a punishment equal to that of his crime."  
I absolutely hated the tone he used. Was it mocking me, or what he does to me? As if it was nothing at all.

"Vater! I'm tired of you always degrading him."  
"Stop Lud. Bitte…" I protested.

"No let me continue Gil." He continued, "Vati, Stop being so bitter. We all miss Mutti! It's not Gil's fault. You have no right to do what you do! I know what you do to him, and it disgusts me. You disgust me. He is your son! T-"

A loud smack sound filled the room, and then there was deafening silence.

My eyes went wide, and something inside me snapped, and I lunged at my 'Father'.  
I punched him square between the eyes. '_I don't care how much taller, stronger, or bigger he is than me,' I thought, 'Don't lay your hands on Luddy.'_

"Don't you dare touch him." I growled. My voice dangerously low.

He shook his head regaining his composure. "Or what? What could you possibly do?"

I was too enraged to reply. I just rushed towards him again. Ready to kill if necessary, but him being twice as strong, and so much taller he easily stopped me this time.

"You should really think these things through. You could never fend me off before, so why could you now? You never were too bright Gilbert."

He grabbed my arm and painfully twisted it behind my back and rammed me into the wall.

Blood was dripping out of my nose, staining the wall red. "Gott Gilbert. You always make such a gott Verdammt mess."

"Vati… bitte… stop…" Ludwig begged helplessly.

"Warum? Du weisst jetzt, ja? Du kannst beobachten. Spass es.*" He laughed.

He threw me on the ground. I knew I was in deep shit, but all I could think about was getting Luddy out of here. I could slightly see Luddy past Vater looming over me. He looked scared… I was scared.

I could see him reach out to stop whatever would happen, but I managed to speak.  
"Luddy," I choked out, "helfen mich, bitte."

I hated asking him for help, but I wanted him to get out of the house. Maybe if I got him to leave to get help he would be safe… no matter if something happened while he was gone.

'_What do I do…?' _I thought helplessly.

"G-Gil!..." his voice cracked.

"Bruder… bitte, helfen mich." Thankfully, I saw him retreat out of the kitchen.

"Why would someone save you, when you're not worth saving?" he said lowly, then vati wrapped his hands around my neck, choking me.

His grip tightened, making me choke more, gasping for air.

I was covered in blood. I didn't know noses could bleed this much, but maybe I was bleeding from elsewhere as well. I didn't know. I didn't particularly care either.

I tried to push my father off but I had lost all of my strength.

The world around me was moving and swaying and becoming dark. The last thing I saw. Was Luddy bursting in with others behind him, and my father's look of shock and fear.

'_About time…' _I thought smirking as best as I could, before blacking out completely.

**Hmm one more chapter I believe? Maybe two.**

**I tried to not over do the German. I get carried away~  
Since it's not my first language, I'm sorry for mistakes.**

**Pfft I still make tons of mistakes in my first language.  
So let me know if anything is wrong, bitte.**

**TRANSLATIONS:  
kümmern Sie sich selbst: Take care of yourself.  
Für dich: for you  
Es tut mir leid: I'm sorry  
helfen mich: Help me  
Warum? Du weisst jetzt, ja? Du kannst beobachten. Spass es.: Why? You know now, yes? You can watch. Enjoy it.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm always nervous before i upload these. Haha~**

**So I'm thinking this took way longer than it should? Yea, yes?  
But hey it's okay. I rewrote it about oh 20 times; I know it's a bad habit of mine. And about half of the times it turned into germancest pairing kind of love... which I didn't want it to, even though I like that pairing, I wanted it to remain family, and brotherly love**

**I also had planned on this being longer, but I thought I was gunna be super busy, but since it seems that I am not as busy as I thought, I want it to be longer again. But the story is going somewhere different than when I first thought of this story. **

**I'm so indecisive T^T I'm soorrrryyy…**

**I like this much better, but I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. I combined 2 chapters into one.  
I finally decided to use this one before i rewrote it another 40,000 times.  
**

**I'm not exactly good with lawyer stuff and laws and law terms and medical terms whatever so it's most likely INCORRECT. I did try to do research but I'm not very good at that at all. (I don't understand how either)  
But hey it's AU, and there is a reason for everything I write haha. Trust me.  
On with the show~**

It took all my strength to open my eyes. They felt as if they were cemented shut, and once they were opened I was greeted by a blinding white light, and plain white walls.

'_How unawesome.' _I thought.

I started to try and move my head to get a better view as to where I was but, instead I was greeted by an unwelcomed and unwanted sharp pain in the base of my head.

"Verdammt." I groaned. My voice was barely there, barely a whisper.

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. I suppose I was much louder than I thought, because as soon as those words came out of my mouth, a face appeared above mine.

'_Luddy.'_

"Gil… Thank gott…" he looked like he was about to cry again.  
"Luddy don't cry. Be a man." I joked weakly.

"I can't help it_…_ I th-thought… I was scared that…" he laid his head on me and continued, "that… I was too late, that this was the one time that he would have actually gone too far."

"D-Don't worry Luddy…"I smiled sadly, "Nothing could get rid of me that easily." I paused, "You know me…" He smiled sadly back, as the doctor walked in.

"Guten Abend, Mr. Beilschmidt. Good to see you awake." He greeted cheerfully.

"Ja, but cut the suspense bitte, what's the damage? I'm fine right?" I asked, just a tint of nervousness in my voice.

"You are, but you're a very lucky man. To start of your nose, and your neck, are both bruised but not broken. You do have a concussion. You'll need to take it easy for awhile. I'm sure your brother will be able to take good care of you. You'll most likely be able to be discharged later on this evening." He paused, "As for news about your father, he is being questioned, you'll be questioned too of course, and scheduled for a trial sometime soon, I do believe."

"Good…" That was all I could manage to say, as I stared off into space.

"Just by human nature I have questions for you myself, but seeing as it's none of my business I will not pry." He smiled, "A nurse will return when you are able to be released. Good day, Gentlemen." And with that he left the room.

I looked over at Luddy. He was giving me a worried expression.

"It's over now bruder," he grabbed my hand and squeezed it, "He won't hurt you anymore."

When I didn't say anything he continued, "You really stayed to protect me." He stated more than asking it, "While extremely stupid for your health, you really are a great bruder Gil."

I smiled slightly, "Gott Luddy, don't sound so sappy," I chuckled, "but thanks, I try my best."

He laughed. "Danke bruder, for everything."

"Anything for mein kleine bruder." I yawned.

"Go to sleep bruder. We'll wake you when it is time to leave."  
I nodded sleepily.

"Don't forget me, don't just leave me here…" I said slowly.

"Wouldn't even dream of it bruder. Rest well."

So I relaxed into a peaceful, dreamless slumber.

The next time I awoke I was being wheeled out to our car. In a wheel chair of course.

'_Damn, these meds work wonders.'_

"Hey Luddy! Where we going?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Beilschmidt. Your bruder is not here right now. H-,"

"Hey you aren't Luddy." I pouted.

"-e is being questioned elsewhere r-"

"What? Already? They work fast!"

"Will you let me finish please?" he asked politely, but frustrated. I nodded. "He is being questioned right now. So as he requested, I will be escorting you home, and you will be questioned later on, once your meds have worn off."

"Wait who are you?" I asked.

He sighed, "I'm a friend of your brothers. Don't worry; I'm on your side."

My mouth formed an 'O' shape in understanding.

I'm honestly just glad to be going home, that this whole mess is over and almost done with, that Luddy and I are safe, and soon we'll be able to just relax completely.

On the way home, I could only stare out the window lost in my own thoughts. Watching buildings, people, and nature blur by.

My meds were starting to wear off, or something, because I wasn't feeling as happy on the way home.

I started thinking, _'What if by some chance, some weird happening, our father goes free? Or… I don't know… Maybe my imagination is just getting the best of me.'_

I saw our home pull into view. It sent a shiver down my spine. I sighed.

'_Bad memories.' _I thought bitterly.

As I was helped out of the car, Isaw Luddy standing in front of the door, on the porch, with an… Angry? Frustrated... Scared look on his face? And that scared me.

He started walking down towards me, as his friend from earlier was walking away, taking some things into our house.

"Bruder." He said seriously, "I need to talk to you."

'_He definitely knows how to worry me.'_

"J-Ja bruder? What is it?" I asked nervously.

"It's about the… the case." He said slowly, like he was picking and choosing his words carefully, "It's been… It's been dropped. Vati, he… he gets to go free, and he'll be returning here soon… w-we need to get you out of here Gil."

Everything froze. Time, the world, my breathing, my heart.

'_Was this really happening?' _I though_t, 'How the fuck did he get off so easily? How did he get free from this? He just got caught! Schiesse! How is this even fucking possible! HOW IS HE NOT GUILTY!'_

I couldn't hear anything around me. It was just me standing in complete nothing, emptiness. I couldn't see anything, but the blackness that surrounded me.

Blood drained out of my face, the empty black room was spinning, if that's possible, and I felt like I was going to be sick. I couldn't speak. I could barely breathe, but Luddy's touch to my shoulder brought me back to reality and out of my shock.

"Bruder?"

"H-How…. How d-did this happen?" I whispered so softly he could barely hear me.

I felt Luddy's arms wrap around me, yet again. He was actually crying this time, but who am I to try and stop him, because I finally realized that I was crying too…

And suddenly, I just stopped. I felt anger boil, bubble and over flow. Anger that had been held in for years and years on end. Anger I had kept bottled up.

Out of anger I pushed my brother away.

"B-Bruder?" he asked slightly shocked.

"NEIN! No, no, no, NO! This isn't fair!" my voice had become ten times louder, "I thought this was over! Why won't anyone stand up for us? What about the people who were there with you… w-what about… I just want it to end…" my voice had died back down to a muddled whisper.

"It will end Gil!" my brother argued.

"Then why hasn't it yet?" I growled, "It's becoming so hard to believe that it ever will Luddy! What? 7,9,10 years now? It's been going on so long that it's become hard to remember exactly how long it's been! I just know it's been too many… I'll make sure you're safe th-" I was hysterical and crying again.

"Gil… plea-"

"No." I interrupted, "No Luddy! I'll make sure you're safe, and then if… if he doesn't end it… I swear… I will." His grip tightened.

"L-Lud... I can't do it… I can't…" I cried into his embrace.

"Bruder." He said sternly, "If you didn't have a concussion right now, I'd smack you across the face."

I looked up at him.

"B-Bitte, bruder," he continued, "think rationally. I love you too much to just let you go. I won't let you hurt yourself, or let you do anything stupid. After all we've been through… We've come too far to let it end like this. It's not going to end like this, I won't let it! There are people who still care… They will help. Have hope bruder…. Please… don't give up, for me… for yourself."

"I-I don't k-know if I can. What if I'm not strong enough?"

"Bruder, you're more than strong enough. But you won't be going it alone bruder. Not anymore."

"D-Danke…" I sighed.

"We'll go inside, and relax for a while. Then we can figure out what to do okay?"

"Okay." I replied in agreement as he helped me to the house.

**It's late. I tried my best to fix any errors but tomorrow I'll go back in and fix it more when I'm more awake. But there shouldn't be anything crucial missing. It's still understandable haha.**

**So how was it o.o?**

**I'm not sure.  
I'm also probably forgetting to say something :D  
Oh well. Enjoy~**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Italics show thoughts, or when Gil is deep in thought remembering something.**_  
**ENJOY**

As I sat in our recliner, I could only stare blankly into space. I only slightly noticed my brother talking to his friend. I'm not sure how long they've been talking anymore. I don't care enough to make out what they are saying. Though I can tell they aren't happy. Happiness seems to be an unattainable goal, a fairytale, a myth… A lie.

_Our mother was our father's happiness. He loved her so much. More than anything. Anyone with eyes could see that._

_Even though I was so young then, I could tell how he lit up when she was around. That smile he  
wore when he was around her…_

_Then there was that one night… That one damned night. Ludwig was playing outside in the front yard, bouncing a basketball that seemed rather large compared to him. His sweet carefree laughter and smile… Gott, I feel like I took that away from him. I was supposed to be watching him!  
The ball rolled into the street, and he ran after it. He was so young; he didn't know any better yet._

_Then my mom screamed. I can still hear it, clear as day. She ran so fast, that the colors of her summer dress all blurred into one big mess of color. Yellows, blues, and purples.  
Time had frozen back then too. My eyes wide realizing what was happening, right in front of me.  
A scream erupted from my throat as well. _

'_Mommy!' I then ran towards her._

_It all happened so fast. I remember yelling at her, not in anger but in fear and in sorrow.  
I yelled for her to get back up, that I didn't mean to, that I was sorry, so very sorry… _

_I remember all the background noises; The sirens, Luddy crying, asking me why mommy wasn't waking up or moving anymore, the driver talking rapidly on his cell phone, my father cursing and crying silently, going over to comfort Luddy and not even once glancing in my direction._

_Even back then I knew he blamed me. I blamed me then too._

_I was distracted by my game. A stupid, worthless video game! It makes me sick to my stomach to think, to know, that back then I picked the game over watching over my little brother.  
I would have only had to watch him for what, maybe two more minutes?  
Just until my mom had returned. Gott I'm so selfish._

_I've taken so much from my family. I've destroyed this family. I was careless.  
My mother lost her life, my father lost his happiness, and my brother lost his childhood, his mother. I caused him to have to grow up faster than what is good for him.  
I took all this away from them, because I was impatient, just so I could beat my high score two minutes faster._

_Well I didn't beat it. It wouldn't have been worth it, even if I had._

_Maybe the reason I keep losing this battle is because I don't deserve to win it. I'm just receiving the punishment that I deserve._

_I honestly believe that I deserve death. I took a life, my mother's life, and on top of that I killed my father inside. I'm just being put through pain, as much pain as my family has experienced. The pain I caused. Until I've paid my dues. Until I've felt pain equal to the amount of pain they've felt.  
I don't know how long it'll be 'till that has happened._

I slowly came out of my thought as I realized something. I looked over to where Luddy was still standing, still talking to his friend. "Ludwig." I called out. He turned to look at me, a hint of worry in his eyes. "Yes Gil?" he replied.

"I…" I paused, in worry of what his response will be. "I want to stay living here. Even when Vati is too." I quickly snapped my eyes shut tight, in fear of him yelling, and getting angry, but he said nothing. I opened one of my eyes slowly, sneaking a peek at him. There was only him staring at me, and a deafening silence. I would rather he be yelling at me right now.

"Lu-" I started, but he cut me off. His voice wasn't loud, almost a whisper, but it was stern enough to make me flinch.

"Is this because you want to protect me bruder?"  
"N-No Luddy… Not just that. I have a plan." and that was true, to some extent.

"I want to protect you now Gilbert! Staying here isn't good for you. I th-"It was my turn to interrupt this time. "Trust me Luddy. Trust me."

Though I shouldn't be asking for him to trust me. I'm not being completely honest with him. Yes, protecting him isn't my only motive, but I'm letting him think I have a plan to protect not only him but me as well, to get me through this. _'That's what I need him to believe.'_

But honestly, that's not my plan at all.

My plan is to go back to my old ways. To hiding things from my brother again. Make him think Vati is better now, that there is nothing to worry about. The ending outcome does not involve me being alive at all, but it's not like I could just tell Luddy that.

He cares too much to understand. To understand that… that this is for the better. Better for him, better for Vati… Better for what's left of this family… Before I do any more damage.

I'm just doing what is best for them… Right? Sacrifice the one, for the many.

"I don't think I can bruder," I heard him say. "I know you blame yourself for everything that has happened, and I'm not going to let you sabotage yourself because you think you deserve it." I was slightly shocked, slight anxious. He needed to believe me…

I let my gaze fall to the ground. _'Damn you for being such a good brother…'_ I thought.  
"I-I never said t-that," I started laughing and stuttering slightly like I do when I'm nervous. "You have n-no choice but to b-believe me Luddy." I turned and stormed off to my bedroom.

I slammed the door shut, but I wasn't angry. Well not at Luddy, not even at vati anymore. Mostly at myself.

I locked the door, and leaned my back against the door, slowly sliding down into a sitting position. My head hanging down, and my hair covering my eyes. I quickly began to notice the dull throb in my head. Luddy banging on the door didn't exactly help any.

"J-Just go away Luddy." I groaned out, but I'm not exactly sure how loud I was.

"Gil! I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you. You know that. Please… Can we talk? About all of this?" he begged. I sighed, and I slowly stood to open the door.

"Later…" I groaned. "My head is throbbing too much, and I can hear my heart beating in my ears louder than I can hear you." I just managed to make it to my bed before collapsing.

"Okay Gil. I'll go get you some medicine." He turned, leaving the room.

"mmm." I replied, exhausted. I closed my eyes, and was out before he even returned.

**TBC ~ of course.**

**How was this chapter? Alright I hope.  
I have been practicing editing errors *-* still am. **

**Because I SUCK at it.**

**I'm not sure about other people, but I like this story. Ha.  
I'm really tired so I'm not gunna say much. Enjoy~ :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**I wanted to give a long overdue thank you for the reviews and for reading :D  
It means a lot to me. **

**^^ -bows- Enjoy. ~**

What woke me up this time was the sound of light footsteps outside my door.  
"L-Luddy?" I croaked out. I still had sleep voice, and my throat was scratchy. "Luddy?" I tried again, a little louder this time. There was still no reply. An uneasy, anxious feeling quickly arose in my stomach.

Something wasn't right here. It was unsettling. I was becoming more and more anxious every second. _  
'I'm sure I was loud enough to be heard if someone was out there… right?'_

Against my better judgment, and my curiosity getting the better of me, I slowly got out of my bed, moving as silently and swiftly as possible towards my door.

I slowly turned the knob, the knob shaking slightly because of my trembling hand. My heart was beating erratically, my breaths uneven and rapid. _'Why am I so nervous? It's probably nothing but my imagination…' _I thought trying to reassure myself.

Regaining my composure, I pulled the door open as fast as I could and stuck my head out into the hallway. All I saw was the darkness filling the hallway. Both directions. I sighed. _'See, noting to worry about. I'm just stressed, and paranoid.'_

I pulled back into my room, closing the door, and turning to head back to bed, but before I could even take a step I heard the footsteps again. I quickly reacted, and yanked the door open. Instead of darkness, a fist connected to my face. Right below my right eye.

The hit sent me reeling, and I crashed onto the floor with a loud thud. I was dazed, confused, and scared… I felt my attacker pin me down, grab the collar of my shirt and pull me closer to his face.

"Your father wanted me to wish you the worst of luck in hell." He said with a slight laugh in his voice. "W-Wha-"I started, but was cut off by him slamming my head back onto the ground. I yelped in pain.  
_'Come on… I already have a concussion…'_

I felt his hands wrap around my neck. I tried to pry his hands off but, all my attempts were in vain as he had a death grip on my neck. My vision was quickly fading and becoming dark, and the room swaying in front of me. I could hear myself choking. I knew I needed to do something quick or I would die.  
_'My plans hasn't… even started… yet…' _I thought.

My movement, and my thoughts were slowing down. So I used as much strength as I could muster and flung my arm out to the side, luckily hitting the night stand next to us, knocking off the lamp, sending it crashing to the ground, and shattering everywhere.

I faintly heard a door slamming, and footsteps, and my attacker was mysteriously gone. All I could do was cough and sputter and gasp for air, my eyes wide.

The footsteps got louder, and I saw Luddy quickly kneel next to me, sweeping me up into his arms in a hug. I could only continue to cough and gasp for air. My body tense and rigid, still trembling ever so slightly.

"Gil…" he whispered. His face right next to my ear. "What the hell happened?" I slowly got the feeling back into my body, and I slowly started to hug him back, clinging to him desperately.

"H-He… he…" my breathing was rigid. I took a couple deep breaths, trying to steady my breathing and my racing heartbeat. "He who Gil?" he asked.

"I-I don't know." I said weakly. The adrenaline was wearing off and the sharp pain in my head was making itself noticed. I was suddenly becoming very tired. My head falling to the side, and my eyes slowly starting to close.

"What do you me- Gil, st-…a-… ease!" My hearing was fading in and out. I couldn't understand everything he was saying. "Whaddya say Luddy?" I said, my speech slurring slightly.

"Stay awake." He said sternly. I sighed. "I'll t-try Luddy." I felt him lift me up; helping me stand and helping me walk to some room… "Where we going Luddy?" I giggled.

"Living room." He looked at me with concern. "He hit you didn't he? That's why you're acting th- What is so funny?" he asked when he heard me laughing. I smiled lazily at him. "The rooms spinning! Don't you feel it? It's like the carousel we rode when we were little!" I giggled again.

He smiled slightly, but it soon disappeared, once again replaced by concern.

"Lighten up Luddy!" I said smiling. "Bruder…" he sighed, while setting me on the couch then sitting next to me. "What did he do to you?" he looked straight at me, his gaze not once faltering. I shifted uncomfortably under his intense gaze. "I was just smacked around a little… nothing I'm not used too…" I whispered shyly. "A little? Bull…" he retorted. "He obviously hit you pretty hard. You can tell by how you're acting Gil. You already have a concussion…" He stopped, looking over me for any obvious injuries.

I assume he noticed my neck because he reached over and brushed his fingers over the skin. I flinched away. _'Ow…'_

"Is it bruised already?" I asked sadly. He only nodded. Pulling his hand away he said, "Bruder. I really wish you wouldn't try and hide things from me. Especially things like this. This is serious. I just want to help you." He sighed as I looked away.

"I'll go get your pain meds. Don't fall asleep yet bruder. I'll be back." He said while standing from the couch to leave the room. I looked over at his retreating form, my eyelids feeling abnormally heavy.

'_I'm so sleepy… Maybe I could just rest my eyes for a couple of minutes… 'till Luddy gets back.'_ I thought. I felt my eyes drifting shut. I hadn't even gotten the chance to try to sleep before Luddy came back into the room. "Gil!"

I jumped slightly. "Was ist es bruder?" I sighed. "Take your meds bitte. I'm nervous to let you sleep yet," he paused. "I… what if you don't wake back up?" he practically whispered. "Bruder, don't worry about me!," I gave him the best smile I could muster up at the moment.

"I'll wake back up. Just like I do every morning." He looked at his watch. He was hesitant, but he eventually gave in. "okay bruder…," he walked over to grab two spare blankets. "It is late and you need to rest… but let's stay out here for tonight okay? So that way I'll be close if you need any help." He threw me a blanket.

I yawned. "Okay. Thanks bruder. Gute Nacht."

"Gute Nacht." He replied.

~o0o~

"Gil." I felt someone shaking me. "Gil… Gilbert!"

"Mmmm… Go away…" I groaned while blindly swatting at the air to get Luddy to go away, missing my target. "You need to get up." I ignored him, but he tried again. "I made breakfast."

I shot up. My vision swimming a bit, but I ignored it. "Well why didn't you just say so?" I laughed and ran into the kitchen. "Careful!" I heard him yell out. "Ja ja…" I replied lazily.

I was starving. It's been I don't know how long since I've last eaten, so I piled a mountain size pile of food onto my plate.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I just about jumped 20 feet into the air, and almost dropping my plate full of food. I set my plate on the counter and quickly spun around on my heels. "Gott Luddy, trying to give me a heart attack?" I chuckled.

"Sorry Gil," he chuckled as well. "But we need to talk… about last night." He spoke slowly and with caution. I could tell he was picking his words carefully. "W-What are you talking about Luddy?" I felt panic rise in my stomach. I didn't want to bring this up. I wanted to keep it buried.

"W-We went to sleep… that's all… that's all…" I said this more to assure myself, to make myself believe it rather than to make him believe.

"You need to talk about it bruder."

"I don't want to. There is absolutely nothing to talk about…" I was fighting to keep my walls up. "Ja, I think there is Gilbert. You can't keep things in… Talk to me…"

"I said I have nothing to say Ludwig." I was becoming angry, but I don't know why. He hasn't done anything wrong, he just cares…

A sudden massive wave of guilt washed over me. "I-I'm sorry bruder… It's just… okay, I'll try and talk." I couldn't look at him so I continued to look at the tile that is the kitchen floor.

"Well," my voice was quiet. Almost deathly quiet. "I woke up, and outside m-my door, I heard light footsteps. A shuffling s-sound. I thought maybe it was you, so I called your name. Twice, but I got no response," I paused to look at his facial expression, but like most other times, I can't read it so I continued. "I decided to get up and see if it was you, or if I was just hallucinating. I slowly turned the knob, and yanked the door open, but I didn't see anything. Even though I didn't see anything my uneasiness didn't go away…"

'_I absolutely hate remembering things.'_ I thought angrily. _'I'd rather suppress it and keep it hidden. Never thinking of it again.'_

"Then before I could even go back to lay down, I heard the same noise again. So I quickly opened the door, but a fist connected with my face instead, and sent me falling backwards, and then he pinned me down and grabbed me by the collar, pulling me close to his face," I paused as I remembered that the man had said something. My eyes widened.

"Gil?"

I couldn't let my brother know this… could I?

"That guy, he was a complete stranger," I lied, hopefully he couldn't tell. "He s-"

"You're lying, but continue."

'_Gott Verdammt! Scheisse… How do you do that Luddy? I need to work on my lying skills…' _I started rubbing my temples, feeling a headache coming back.

"H-He slammed my head on the ground, and since you can already read me like a book, I'll tell you this part. He said, 'Your father wanted me to wish you the worst of luck in hell.' Then he started choking me. I knew I needed to somehow get your attention, so I flung my arm out and hit the night stand, and thankfully the lamp fell off, and the guy ran I guess. I didn't see him leave he was just… gone, but I couldn't really tell what was happening around me too well at the time anyways. Then, ja you know the rest."

Luddy suddenly pulled me into an embrace. "You know, you've been hugging me a lot lately." I whispered. It was meant to lighten the mood, but my voice sounded sad and heavy, even in a whisper.

"Ja well, I'd say you need them." I laughed slightly. "Ja… Danke…" I finally hugged back.

"I will help you through this bruder. I promise. It'll be okay. We'll make it through… You'll make it through."

My eyes started burning, tears threatening to fall. Mein bruder wants me to live, and because of that a small part of me wants to fight for him. Fight to live for him. That part of me also believes that going through with my plan, I'm letting Vati win. I don't want that. I don't want to let him think that by abusing me all these years, he's broken me beyond repair, that he's won and shattered me. This part of me still wants to believe he hasn't.

Then there's the other part of me, which does believe that he's broken me down beyond repair and shattered me, that I deserve it. I feel guilty that I'm even still alive. After all I've done… I don't deserve to be, I don't deserve a brother who cares so much… This part of me says even though I don't want Vati to win, I deserve to lose. I don't feel like I'm being punished enough, and I feel even more guilty because of it.

I love mein bruder, but… I hate myself and my past.

I'm frustrated, I'm confused, and I'm scared. I don't know what to do anymore. So I let my frustration out and let it overflow and I cry into my brother's embrace.

**I feel this chapter went very well. Ha.**

**I don't know why I always upload these at night, when I'm tired. I edit much better in the day, when I'm awake. You'd think I'd learn my lesson…**

**But I don't.  
So I apologize for mistakes, errors, yadda yadda and such. :)**

**Enjoy~**


	8. Chapter 8

**HERE IT IS. FINALLY.**

**I HATE Band Camp. I don't see why color guard has to go the whole time.  
but oh well…**

**I also learned the title was wrong D: IM SO SORRY.  
I just went by what my friend told me, but it's not like she speaks German fluently so… Sorry D:  
I'll prolly change it after its completed, just in case of any confusion.**

**Enjoy.~**

**~o0o~**

The next thing I knew I awoke in my own bed to the smell of something delicious being made in the kitchen. I slowly dragged myself out of bed, sleepily making my way to the kitchen.

"Morning Luddy." I yawned, but I froze when I saw that the person standing there was not my brother.  
"Why hello there Gil. It has been far too long."

"V-Vati? W-What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, my voice shaking. "What do you mean? I live here, don't I?" he paused, "I should ask you the same thing. I see the special visitor I sent you failed to do as I asked. That's too bad…" he laughed.

I wanted to smack that damn evil smile off of his face.

"Get the fuck out of this house." I growled.

"Now now Gilly," I could hear the smirk and the venom in his voice, "Is that anyway to ta-"

"I said get out!" I yelled, raising the loudness of my voice. "Shut up Gil. You wouldn't want to wake your brother. Don't you think you've bothered him enough already?" I lowered my gaze to the floor.

"I know I have." I mumbled. "Then do us all a favor and D-"he stopped when Luddy walked in the room, a smile instantly spreading across his face.

"What's wrong G-"he stopped mid sentence, and his eyes grew large from shock at seeing Vati, but soon they were squinted with anger and protectiveness. "Vati… when did you get here?" he asked his voice low and dangerous.

"Oh about four hours ago. Around five a.m." he sounded almost cheery.

"Oh." Was all he could manage to say, and after about five minutes of silence and what I figured to be death glares, I decided to head to the living room to watch T.V.

I could hear Luddy and vati discussing something. I'm not sure what exactly, but I managed to pick out the words; "Sorry" from Luddy, and "never" and "Promise" from Vati. Even though I didn't know what was being promised, I knew it would not be kept. Not from Vati.

I sighed, and then I heard the back door slam shut, and then someone enter the living room through the kitchen door, and they walked over and stood in front of me so they were blocking my view of the television. With just my luck, it was Vati.

"U-Uhm, W-Where's Luddy?" I squeaked out, my voice small and meek. "Oh he's busy. He just went out for a moment… That's all the time I need…" his voiced sounded dark and low, and he whispered the last part.

He continued, "So Luddy decided to take things into his own hands. He says, though it's not worth much, that I should apologize to you and change my ways, blah blah blah, and other crap." He laughed, "But he has forgotten, the son doesn't tell the father what to do." As he said this he went and locked the front door.

My body immediately tensed, and my eyes started to widen in fear. I knew something was going to happen. Nothing good.

"Because of you Gil, our lives are crap. Because of you Gil, the good son is going against me, rebelling if you will, a-"

I interrupted, "He's standing up for me, because what you are doing is wrong!"

"Don't interrupt me boy. What I do to you doesn't concern him, or anyone else. He wasn't supposed to know, but I supposed I became too careless."

"You should have gone to jail Dammit! Why are you still here? I hate you! I don't want you here…"

"Oh the feeling is mutual, believe me. As for being here, you see, I bribed them to drop the case, and let me go free. All they care about is money, not what's right and what is wrong. Not giving justice to those who deserve it. They only care about themselves. No one could truly care about you if they didn't gain something from helping you. They just gained something from helping me.." He laughed.

Oh how I hate his laugh.

"And where did you suddenly get all this money?" I asked.

"The money your mother left you. You don't deserve it. So I took it. It's the least you could do."

"God damn you bastard… Go to hell…"

At that moment I saw him pull something out of his back pocket. "My my gilly, watch your language." _'I hate that damn nickname too…'_

"Don't call me Gilly." I spat.

"I'll call you whatever I damn well please. Got it?" I heard a clicking noise realizing what he had in his hand. A gun. _'Do I ever get a break…?'_

He pointed it at my forehead.

'_Crap, what do I do?'_ I thought helplessly.

I heard a banging noise on the front door. Probably Luddy…

"Stand up boy." I obeyed, having no other choice. "Now, get on your knees and beg to God to have fucking mercy on you," he paused as I kneeled.

I looked over at the window, and saw Luddy looking in. After a few seconds, I suppose it dawned on him what exactly was happening. His eyes wide with terror and him frantically trying to get the door to open or break.

'_I'm so sorry Luddy…' _I thought sadly, _'just leave so you don't have to watch another death happen right in front of your eyes…'_

"You'll need all the fucking mercy you can get." Though just a whisper, I could hear it loud and clear. He was right.

I heard another clicking sound, and tensed up waiting for the pain I knew was about to come, but hopefully not for too long.

All of the sudden I heard the door break open, and saw Luddy lunge and tackle vati.

Everything was happening so fast. There was a loud bang, and I felt the bullet hit my right shoulder, and it knock me down. I yelled out in pain.

I took all my might to sit up, and when I finally did, I saw Luddy trying to pin down Vati to the ground.

I noticed the gun had slid away from Vati and was sitting on the ground right in front of me. I slowly reached out and picked it up. I could only stare at it.

'_Such a small little weapon that can do so much damage. That has enough power to take another life.' _Then it dawned on me. I could kill my 'father'. My tormentor. Before he could harm me again or anybody else.

'_Just by holding this, it gives me so much power. It puts other peoples live in my hands. I get to decided whether or not they live or die.' _I subconsciously rose off of the ground, and pointed the gun towards my father. Both him and Luddy froze. I could see the terror in my fathers eyes. Now that it was him on the ground and not me.

'_It does feel good being on the other end. To be the one casting fear, instead of the one who is afraid. I could finally end all of this. All of mine and Luddy's suffering.'_ My hands were shaking.

'_But who am I to take another's life? I'm not the one who brought them into the world, so why should I be the one to take them out of it. Who am I to decide when they die? Even after all he did to me… all of those years of abuse, is it really justifiable to kill him?'_

"Gil, bitte, put the gun down." I heard Luddy say cautiously.

"Why!? So he'll just get away with this again? He'll get to go free and make the rest of our lives hell?"

"No Gilbert, because you will be sinking down to his level." I just stared at him.

"I understand you are angry, I am too. You deserve justice, but this isn't the right way…."

'_He's right….'_

A small 'Ok' was all I could manage.

Then all of the feeling came rushing back. The feeling of blood soaking my shirt, the pain in my right shoulder, how exhausted all this had made me. The gun fell out of my hand, and I collapsed down onto my knees.

'_Maybe now I'll get that well deserved break…'_

_**BLAH BLAH BLAH and other stuff.**_

_**IDK what to say. :)**_

_**Sorry for errors, My eyes are horrible at finding them... *cry face***_


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm sorry this is late. I've been busy since school started. Band and color guard, homework (I was stupid and took calculus and a.p lit and comp.), Tennis and tennis lessons. **

**I've been focusing on drawing, because I want to major in illustration, and I want to make a manga Someday.  
Hopefully. It'll prolly be a yaoi ofcourse~ lol. **

**We'll see how that goes...**

**I get like 5 hours of sleep at the most every night haha.**

**UGH my life. **

**Oh well, it could be worse. **

**Anyways, Enjoy~**

**~0o0~**

"Gilbert! Gilbert!" I faintly heard someone calling my name.

"N-No…" I mumbled. _'Please just please… no…'_

"Gilbert… Bitte bruder…" the voice was softer now, "no what bruder?"

"Just leave me alone…" I begged. I felt tears start to roll down my face.

"Why can't I just be left alone!?" my voice cracked while steadily got louder.

"I can not and will not leave you alone Gilbert. Your wounds need to be tended to… You're losing way too much blood Gil…"

"N-No please… I beg of you… I'm done, I'm tired. I… Just let me die, let me go. I just want peace Luddy… For once…" my voice was now a whisper.

I briefly looked up at Ludwig. He looked shocked, but quickly reverted back to his stern expression.

"I know Gil… You deserve peace, and I plan to get that for you, no matter what, but Letting you die… That is not an option Gilbert," he said sternly, "I'm picking you up." He warned.

He hoisted me up, carrying me bridal style. I cried out in pain from moving my shoulder.

"Sorry." He whispered. "S'okay…"

I wasn't going to fight with him. I'm way too weak from the blood loss, and I'm in a too great deal of pain to even try and move anymore. So I just rested my head against his chest as he carried me.

'_I'm so tired…'_ I sighed.

"Gil, I need you to stand up please, to help me get you into the car."

I nodded, sluggishly moving to get into the front seat of the car.

I jumped when I heard the loud bang of the car door shutting.

_I'm so tired, I could fall asleep standing up. I was half asleep while getting into the car._

"Gil how are you feeling?" Luddy asked me while pulling out of the drive way. "Nnn…" was all I could manage, well all I put effort into saying.

"You'll have to elaborate for me Gil."

I sighed, "I'm tired, I hurt, I'm dizzy, and I'm bleedi-" I paused, " Oh gott Luddy…" I whispered.

"What? What's wrong?" he asked worried.

"I'm getting b-blood all over your nice car! I'm so s-sorry Luddy… I-I'll make it up to you… I will…"

He sighed, "What? Are you serious Bruder? Don't worry about that. I couldn't care less. There are more important things to deal with right now." His voice was soft.

After a long silence, I asked, "Where's vati?" I was starting to panic.

"He was arrested again. Don't you remember?"

"H-He's not going to get me is he? D-Did I… shoot him?"

"No bruder, you did nothing of the sort. You were the one who was shot,"

'_oh yeah…'_

"Vati was detained, everything will be ok-" I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying anymore.

I was shaking slightly, sweating, and I could feel my breathing picking up speed, along with my consciousness fading.

Apparently Luddy could tell, because I could faintly hear him start to panic, but I don't have enough energy to tell him not to…

I could faintly feel myself being lifted out of the car, and hearing someone yelling for help.

~0o0~

**Sorry this one is shorter. My goal was to get something posted.**

**Mission accomplished.**

**Hope you enjoyed it. **

**I really liked the last chapter I was proud of it. Hehe.**

**I'll try and update as soon as I can.  
****Again.. Mistakes..? prolly... Sorry about that... D:**


	10. Chapter 10

**Another short chapter…. I am so sorry….**

**I just wanted to put something up… **

**Italics are thoughts, and this is in Germany's point of view.**

**I'm extremely busy, but I'm doing the best I can.  
Thanks for the kind reviews. Enjoy~**

**~0~**

I sat there, in a deafening silence, worrying about mein bruder and waiting to hear news about my brother.

'_Over the course of all of this happening, the past few weeks seem so… unreal, just like one big dream…_  
_I don't know what to make of it all… I remember that day perfectly… Coming home and seeing my father a… a-abuse Gil…_

_I couldn't believe it… I thought maybe I was imaging things… That my mind was playing some kind of cruel and unusual joke on me._

_It doesn't feel right saying those words… It should never have happened. I should never have let it happen… Why didn't I see it sooner? I can't help but blame myself…_

_And I can't help but hate my father for the things he said and did to Gil… The permanent damage he inflicted… I can't even imagine what Gil has gone or is going through…_

_I… I would do anything to go back in time and do anything to prevent this from happening… I hate how Gil blames himself for everything that has happened. I wish I could show him, explain to him that, not one thing that has happened, happened because of him…_

_It's not his fault…_

_Sitting here, in the hospital, waiting to hear news about my brother… the deathly silence… It's all driving me insane. I didn't protect him well enough damn it! I didn't… I'm not… my brother was shot… because of me… because I couldn't protect him!_

_I should have done something different; I should have done more…_

_My brother is dying, he could be dead… and it's my entire fault! _

_I couldn't help my brother when he needed me the most. I tried my best; believe me I did, but …. Even my best was not good enough…'_

I was brought out of my thoughts when I felt tears dripping onto my hands.  
_'When did I start crying? I didn't notice…'_

I sat and watched people come in and leave, visiting friends and relatives, with a blank stare on my face. I know I have tears stains on my face, and my eyes are probably red and puffy from crying, but I don't care.

The only thing I care about right now ist mein bruder…

I jumped slightly when I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I turned to see who the hand was attached to, and I saw that it was the doctor I had talked to earlier today.

"Hello, I take it that you are Mr. Gilbert Beilschmidt's brother, yes?" she asked kindly. I nodded. Her kindness made me nervous…

"I've come to tell you some news of your brother," she continued, speaking rather slowly, and placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

She seemed to be picking and choosing her words and movements carefully... Like she was walking on glass, or around something that could break easily…

I can feel the knots in my stomach forming from my nerves and my worrying.

"Is… Is he… dead?" I asked nervously, my voice shaking…

My mouth felt really dry from speaking those words. He can't be dead… He just can't be…

"No no," she smiled warmly, "He is very much alive…" she paused, "He's just… He's lost a lot of blood… and he's very weak, but I'm sure you could figure that out own your own. You look like a smart man." She smiled again.

'_She smiles so easily… I wonder when we'll be able to do that again…' _I thought sadly, but as she spoke, the worry began to lessen, to the point where I could finally breathe easily again.

"You may go see him now if you would like to. Just keep in mind he is sleeping right now, and he's very weak, and he probably won't wake up for a couple hours."

I nodded, "Okay, I understand."

"Okay, follow me, I'll show you to his room."

After what had seemed like an eternity of walking up and down hallways, we finally arrived at Gil's room.

"I'll be back later to check up on him."

"Okay, thank you." She smiled, and then continued on to her next patient and I slowly entered my brother's room.

When I walked into his room, I felt like I couldn't breathe again. His pale complexion, how tired he looked even when asleep.

All those tubes and IV's connected to him… The steady beat of the heart monitor, which I kept thinking was going to flat line at any moment but thankfully never did…

'_I hate seeing him like this… He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be lying in a hospital bed, pale and deathly still, like he is… _

_He's been here more than once too…_

_I should have done more to protect him. I should have done better… I couldn't keep him safe and out of the hospital, and I hate myself because of that…'_

I sat in the chair next to him and grabbed hold of his hand, waiting and hoping that he'll wake up…

**~0~**

**And OKAY. Finished with this chapter.**

**How was it? Okay? Horrible? Let me know pleash ;D  
Yes I said pleash.**

**Oh yeah.. Sorry for any mistakes... Fixing them is not my strong suit. **

**Ha okay. Enough of my rambling. I'll update as soon as possible I promise!**

**Thank you for reading~**


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay… Just let me say …. I'm so SORRY Q.Q **

**I haven't been able to think of anything to write next…**

**I've also been so busy I barely had time to breathe. But my hard finals are finally over. **

**I have a little bit more room to breathe again, and write again.**

**If anyone is still reading this I hope to update more frequently…. I really do.**

**Again I'm sorry q.q… **

**Enough with the excuses. On with the story.**

**~0~**

'_Gilbert. I need you to wake up for me hun.'_

_I heard a soft and loving voice calling out to me. I felt warm hands encircling me gently._

'_mmm… Just five more minutes...' the person laughed quietly._

'_Your brother needs you Gilly… You can't stay here forever… Not yet.'_

_I decided to listen, and open my eyes only to see the face of my mother._

'_M-Mutti?' I said in disbelief. 'What…? Where are we?'_

'_No where you need to be just yet. You've had your rest, and it's time for you to head back now.'_

'_But mutti…' I whined. 'Don't 'But Mutti' me,' she laughed, 'You aren't five anymore Gilbert.' I smiled softly._

'_I miss you mutter…'_

'_I miss you too sweetie. I'll be with you and your brother always.'_

_I nodded in understanding._

'_Oh and Gilbert… It wasn't your fault, okay? Stop blaming yourself…' I froze, tears starting to come to my eyes._

'_Mutti… You don-'_

'_No listen to me Gil. Your brother doesn't blame you and neither do I. For your father… He's letting anger and sorrow get the best of him. Stay away from him hunny, and do not listen to him.'_

_How can she think that it wasn't my fault?_

'_But you told me to watch Luddy! I got distracted and let you down! How is it not my fault!?'_

'_Don't think on it Gil. You were so young, and your brother is okay. Think of what good has come out of this.'_

'_And what would that be…?' _

'_You and your brother have gotten so close…I'm glad you have. You're both so strong. You have both grown up to be wonderful young men. I'm a proud mother.' She smiled._

'_I…I… love you mutti…'_

_She walked over and wiped my tears away, 'I love you too sweetie.'_

'_Now go back to your brother. I'll be watching over you guys. Never forget that.'_

'_Okay…' I nodded, 'Goodbye muttie…' _

_~0~_

I suddenly felt all the pain come back to my body. My mind felt all fuzzy and my body felt heavy.

'_Just a dream?'_ I thought.

I slowly turned my head to examine where I was. _'Great…' _I thought bitterly.

I noticed Luddy sitting to my left, asleep on my arm, and holding my hand in a death grip. Like if he let go, I would leave him…

'_That'll never happen Luddy… I'm too awesome…' _

He looks extremely tired and like a complete mess. _'I hate seeing him like this… He shouldn't have to be here, doing all this for me…'_

I tried shaking my arm to wake him. "Luddy, I'm awake…. So wake up."

He slowly lifted his head, and I tried my best to not laugh at the confused look on his face.

"Tired huh?" I asked.

"B-Bruder!" he half yelled, and shot up embracing me in a death hug. "I'm so glad you're alright…"

"Don't worry about me alright?"

"Don't be stupid Gilbert. I'm going to worry anyways…"

I sighed. "Alright alright I suppose… I'll worry about you too…"

The room became deathly silent, while Luddy was just staring straight at me… "What are you looking at?" I asked.

"Just thinking…" he replied, and I looked away, suddenly interested in the window.

"Can… Can I ask you something bruder?"

"Sure, you can ask anything you want."

"D-Do you believe or… Do you think that… Mutti doesn't blame me for her death?" I asked timidly.

Silence.

I slowly looked up at Luddy when he didn't answer right away. He looked surprised by my question. "N-nevermi-"

"Yes I do." He interrupted.

"R-Really? I just… I think it was a dream, and I spoke with mutti… She told me that I had to come back to be with you... She also told me she doesn't blame me, a-and… Neither do you."

"She's right bruder."

"B-But I really don't –"

"No Gil. Listen to mutti. Mothers always know best after all…"

"Yea… I guess they do…"

"Listen Gilbert. I don't know if I've told you this before but if I haven't, it's about time I have. Other than the fact that I'm your bruder, the reason I care so much about you is because I look up to you brother."

I looked up at him surprised by what he was saying.

"You're strong. Even after all you've been through. Not only are you strong physically but strong mentally. You've stayed as strong as you can to protect me… You always put others first. Everyone comes before you, and even though sometimes you take it to the extreme, you have a kind heart."

He got up and started to hug me. "I hate that you've had to go through what you have. You're the best bruder in the world. I wouldn't ask for another, and I'm not going to lose you. I'm going to protect you as you do me…"

He stood back up straight and tall and he smiled softly whispering,

"You're my hero, Gil."

~0~

**And that's the end of this chapter o3o **

**I hope it's alright.. I don't know…**

**But I'm glad to have something up! Again I am so SO SORRY….**

**It's okay to hate me.**

**I do quite believe that this story is coming to an end. **

**I'd say 1 or 2 more chapters? Most likely.  
****Next time I write a story, I'm going to write it from beginning to end before i post it,  
so it's prepared haha.**

**Sorry for mistakes, but you should know me by now. o3o**

**Enjoy~**


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